Love
is life's most Beautiful mystery. It often comes as a surprise, filling the heart with sudden Joy. Selfless and giving, Love
places the happiness of another before one's own. It inspired with its Passion, nurtures with its Generosity, and enriches with its Spirit. There is no limit to its magic. Love
is Eternal.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is to those people at school, or even here on Dev that just really seem to dislike me.
First of all, I'd like to apologize to the people I've done wrong. I know i can be insensitive sometimes, and i might ramble on about something for a long time and it'll get annoying. And i know i seem to talk about the same thing all the time, but i do that because nobody ever talks to me about anything new. I'm kind've shut out. ._.
I would also like to make one thing clear. I never like to talk about my Mental disabilities to people; mainly because I'm already 'Fucked up' apparently. but, it should be plain to see i have some type of Attention Disorder; and Asbergers. Just because i have those, though, doesn't mean I'm some Mentally-Fucked-up special-ed student. So don't treat me like one. I know some f my friends are just 'naturally' Sarcastic, but you don't have to be 'extra' sarcastic to me because i have a fucked up, one track brain.
Now, with me saying that, I'm not making fun of Special Ed students. I have two mentally Challenged siblings myself. I'm just trying to make a point that I'm TIRED of being treated like I'm LOWER THAN FUCKING DIRT.
Now, I've had some friends leave me for reasonable reasons. And i like to think that I've apologized enough to where they don't want me to disappear off the face of the earth. But I'd also like them to realize a partial amount of my... 'special'-ness is not my conscious fault.
Recently (Within the last month) I've been doing really badly in my classes. Not because I'm Fucking stupid, but because I'm being Mentally and Physically abused by my peers. Everyday when i walk into that school I'm treated like... Nothing i can even think of.
I'm pushed, I'm shoved, I'm thrown around, I'm Spat on, I'm kicked, I'm punched, I'm told i should die. and why?
BECAUSE I WAS BORN DIFFERENTLY!?
The people i don't even KNOW THEIR FUCKING NAMES treat me like I FUCKING KILLED THEIR MOTHERS. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!? DID I EVER EVEN SPEAK TO YOU!? GODDAMN.
I have NEVER said a mean thing to ANYBODY. (Except... Stephanie and Summer. And i truthfully wish to apologize to them. they really don't Deserve it... Not all of it at least.) And yet people treat me like i stared them in the eyes and said the most DEMEANING, INSULTING, BEFOULING thing.
And, not to mention, this last week or two, i lost the one friend who i thought really didn't give a fuck if i was different. The thing's I've heard them say about me have made me WISH i had the guts to slit my throat.
But last night i had a long talk with my soon-to-be Step-mom, and she told me about HER experience with being labeled a Lesbian.
And now i think about it... That One friend... Is only 1 in 150 billion people on this earth. 1/150,000,000,000. That's a really stupid statistic.
Now, all the kids that have treated me like Fucking Shit at school are only about this much; 350/150,000,000,000. That's still a really stupid statistic.
Fuck 'em. Fuck all of 'em.
I'm a good person. I ALWAYS tried to treat my friends with the greatest amount of respect, to the point i was SCARED to say something wrong and make them NOT happy. Not a single one of my 'ex-friends' can say i NEVER asked them if it was OK for me to do something, whether it was something small, or big.
And as long as i KNOW I'm a GOOD PERSON, that's all that really matters, right? Because as long as I'm a GOOD PERSON and focus more on my work than making fun of that Girl or guy that's a GOOD PERSON, then I'm going to get a lot farther than any guy or girl that spent their whole life teasing other people.
My Step-mom told me about one girl who told her everyday that she deserved to die. She got curious about a week ago and look for her on Facebook. You know what she found? That woman had been arrested at least 5 times, was going through her second divorce, and had 6 kids.
Are you Kidding me? You could have gone to COLLEGE. Gotten a JOB. MADE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. She had so much potential, but she threw it all away by making the wrong choices.
I'm not going to let that happen to me, or the people i love and care about. Those friends of mine that have come and go, i still believe they are good people. Even when they stare me in the eyes and tell me they wish I'd go to Hell, i know they are still a good person, and i wish them the best.
Thank you for reading this far. And if your one of the people this is addressed to; i hope you know i always thought you were better than the way your acting now. And i know each one of you have to the potential to change it while your ahead. I just hope you make the right choice.
~Madison